If you’re ok with what you see, then stay with him. Call it whatever you want – a line in the sand, boundaries, ultimatums. There are already red flags there, so why aren’t you paying attention to them?What I first pulled out of this letter was that her bf is 31 and has a job and is in school. I wouldn’t say I have a tolerance – but I don’t not have a tolerance if that makes sense.But like I said two glasses can feel drastically different to me depending on the day. And luckily, I live in a city where cabs are everywhere.My advice is for LW to get herself to Al Anon and learn.Alcoholics can be persuasive, effective, and interesting, but they remain alcoholics and their decline is almost inevitable. Here is the situation: He drinks heavily approximately 3 nights a I would counter that will not last forever. Just the easiest thing I could think of that would be a problem of that scale.Since in some of the comments there seems to be some confusion about if LWs BF is an alcoholic or not:It would seem BF presents at least 4 of these warning signs.“When I try to bring up the issue of dependency and alcoholism, he feels that drinking is only a problem “when it interferes with your life.””Wow. I feel like you should say that to yourself a few times, because it’s true.

He doesn’t greet his family first, he gets the alcohol. Some people don’t see the damage it does to their relationships until it’s too late. Go by how you feel. It's never a bad idea to stop an indulgent behavior entirely for a while if you want to get a measure of its hold on you: if you can't that's a very potent indication that you might have a real problem (though succeeding is not a guarantee that you don't). Pancreatitis, Hepatitis, cirrhosis of the liver, and neurological deficits are the major complications I see resulting from a life time of alcohol consumption. It has been six months and I am currently not sure if he is the person I want to spend my life with. We went regularly for about three months, leading into early this year. If he can't do that then he needs to quit drinking altogether. I just want him to leave me alone. And a bad decision.That is certainly possible in other cases. It’s your decision to make, but you need the bigger picture.If you even THINK children might be in your future, please leave him now:I’m another ACA (Adult Child of an Alcoholic) and it really does suck to grow up with a parent who loved her booze more than her kids. I have been looking for things to do to keep from going “home” where he is. Then we wouldn’t have to do all this weird alcohol mathematics. I mentioned this once before on a similar “should I leave my alcoholic boyfriend” letter.

You’ll spend more and more time fighting his drinking until you crack. Every day that goes by where you can’t assert your needs in the relationship, you are consuming slow poison. You can't reform him by 'putting your foot down.' I’ve just gotten to the point, in my late 20s, where I can admit to friends and family that he has a problem – my best friends from childhood had no idea until I told them last year. Learning why he’s an alcoholic is the first step. When you cover for him, he doesn’t suffer the consequences of his drinking and the behavior will continue. Her moods are unpredictable and she gets angry a lot. His hope is that he learns this and chooses off. I have known several “high-functioning alcoholics,” and it is very difficult to get them to acknowledge an issue. The second time, my brother (then age 11) and I (age 14) had to say goodbye to him. Watching him fall and injure himself constantly worries me. I mean if you’re not experiencing anything negative from it, then you should be OK?

the liver starts to fail, the brain starts to fail, and the end is death.all of this is to say, just because YOU wouldnt be addicted drinking twice a day doesnt mean others wont either. Luckily in my situation, it was nothing life-threatening or illegal, but you can never know what’s going to set off that bomb.
When we talked about how he would shut down communication, he said, “I didn’t want you to be right, but I knew you were.”I’m sorry to write such a long response, but I feel strongly about this experience and wish to communicate my story to others who might benefit from any insight.
I have a boyfriend, and I love him to death. These past few months have been the best in our relationship because of the true intimacy of us finally being able to talk about anything and everything, without any bullsh*t surrounding anything drinking-related.

If you are looking for a long term relationship, this has no where to go but down. So how is it acceptable that he 'only' does it when he drinks?Maybe filming him (surreptitiously, with a cellphone cam) while he's being like that will help as a wake up call? I’m not familiar with this firsthand (I’m sure the other commenters will be better able to address your letter) but if his hands shake when he’s not drinking & alcohol actually seems to relax him, then his body is treating it as a necessary substance.He’s 31.


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